Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
