They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
