i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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