Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
