so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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