Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
