I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
