Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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