I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
