Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
