Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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