I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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