I heard we made out
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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