Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
