She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
