I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
