you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
