i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
