it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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