I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize