So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
