as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
