just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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