So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
