Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
