Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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