So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
