dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
