once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
