the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
