i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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