I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
