if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
