he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
