the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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