True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
