tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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