Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
