I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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