Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
