a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
