you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
