we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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