I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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