hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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