Pappa wants mamma naked
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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