somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
