i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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