i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
