I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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