Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
