Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
