it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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