His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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