You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
