just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
