That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
