He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
