i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she smelled like a LAN party
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
