Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
