I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
