R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
