Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
