I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
