I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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