TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
