I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
