a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
