As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
