Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
