she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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