Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
