I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
