saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
