I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
