thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
