The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
